Failing Facades
by Attack On Fanfiction
Summary: After losing Eren during their last mission outside the wall, Mikasa is an emotional mess and Jean comes and attempts to help her feel better


_**Fandom:**_ Shingeki No Kyojin

_**Pairing:**_ Jean x Mikasa

_**Prompt:**_ After losing Eren during their last mission outside the wall, Mikasa is an emotional mess and Jean comes and attempts to help her feel better. (Requested by Anonymous on tumblr)

_**Words: **_1944

_**Notes:**_I've been meaning to do a Jeankasa fic for a while now. Oops.

* * *

It wasn't uncommon for the people of their world to lose those close to them, but the rarity of the occurrence didn't lessen the pain in their hearts.

Upon their return from another failed expedition beyond the walls, Mikasa experienced a feeling she'd only felt twice before; a bitter emptiness that numbed her being. She'd lost her family yet again and the last piece she held onto so desperately had been taken from her. At first she'd been hysterical, even so that it took three of the older soldiers to restrain her, but once she'd wore her self down and screamed her throat raw, she had shut herself in.

She was broken; her heart and soul shattered by loss and her will so bent and gnarled she wasn't sure there was chance of repair. Almost immediately after returning, Commander Irvin had given her her mandatory two-week leave, and not once did she leave her room since.

Mikasa sat in the corner of her room, knees drawn to her chest and her scarf pulled over her face. Her stomach growled painfully, but she made no move to quell it's hungered cries. She'd skipped dinner for the third night in a row, but she couldn't do it - she could sit in her usual spot and know that Eren wouldn't be joining her. But at this rate, she was going to starve herself.

She weighed her options, hide away from the rest of her peers and the fact that her beloved was never coming back and starve herself, or she could go get her dinner and hurry back to the room without anyone noticing.

A sigh tore itself from her lips as she scooted off her bed. She shuffled to the mirror situated above her dresser and grimaced Looks had never meant much to Mikasa, and she'd looked pretty bad after returning from expeditions covered it cuts and bruise, but she wasn't sure she looked worse in her life.

Her hair was a frightful mess, matted and full of tangles and standing up in every direction. She looked like she had aged ten years; her eyes were sunken and hollow and huge bags hung beneath them - and they were puffy from nights of crying herself to sleep. She ran a hand through her inky locks in a futile attempt to pick through the tangles.

A light knock broke the silence that had settled over the room. She jumped, her fingers snagging in a tangle, and hissed. Not a single person had bothered her since their return; the visit was completely unexpected. Dressed in nothing but an over sized tee shirt, she opened the door.

Her brows shot into her hairline. She shouldn't have been too surprised; considering it was common knowledge that he held a soft spot for her, but a part of her had automatically assumed it was Armin who would eventually stop by to check on her.

Jean stood in front of her door, a nervous smile spreading his lips. He shifted from foot to foot as he held out a plate piled with mouth-wateringly delicious food. Mikasa eyed the platter, her stomach thundering.

"I hadn't seen you in the mess hall lately and…I wasn't sure if you'd eaten…" He stammered out, his cheeks burning brighter my the second, "Of course the others were worried too, especially Armin…"

She gave him a long glance, her hollow gaze meeting his before she reached out and took the plate from his hands with a muttered thanks. For a moment, she stood there, letting the gears in her mind slowly begin to wind again. "Would…would you sit with me?"

The question had caught him completely off guard. He blinked, staring at the tired beauty before him. She really did look worse than he'd ever seen her, but whether she had the physical appearance of a donkey on heroin or a heaven sent goddess didn't matter; her presence was intoxicating and her voice like a lullaby to his ears. Even in her worst, she still shone as brightly as the sun in his eyes.

"Well?"

The question pulled him from his musings. He opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a dumb 'huh?' before he finally collected himself and gave her a nod.

Her room wasn't anything like he had expected, but her current state my have been of influence. Needless to say, the room was trashed. Clothes littered the floor and her maneuver gear was thrown carelessly in a corner. Her make up bag was strewn over her dresser, tubes of lipstick lying carelessly open and their caps shattered on the ground below. Her pillow was streaked with black, no doubt the remnants of whatever eyeliner or mascara she'd been wearing before their return.

Jean never understood why the girls insisted on wearing such things, especially before an expedition. He'd actually approached Sasha about it once, but all he got in return was a hair flip and a sassy 'Because we're fabulous'.

He turned his attention back to Mikasa. She'd settled herself on the edge of her bed and slowly began eating. An awkward silence settled over the room as Jean shifted uncomfortably, not knowing what to do. He contemplated sitting beside her, but if Mikasa was anything at the moment, she was tired and devastated - it was best to give her space until she (if she ever) gave him permission.

His gaze swept the room, landing on a picture frame situated on the wall above her dresser. There were four people pictured, a smiling young woman standing beside a tall man with a serious and contemplating look etched on this his face and below them stood Eren the same idiotic look on his face, and beside him Mikasa stood expressionless as always, her red scarf pulled over her face.

Next to that frame was another one, this one with two different people, an Oriental woman and a young looking man with short blonde hair. Jean knit his brows. Mikasa's past was a mystery to everyone in the Scouting Legion. The only person he suspected to know the answer was dead.

"Those where my parents," she murmured quietly.

Jean turned to her, their eyes locking for a long moment before Mikasa broke contact. She set her finished plate on the bed beside her and wrung her hands together. She looked uncomfortable, as if this were a subject she'd rather not dwell on, but after a moment she spoke again.

"I lost them when I was younger and Eren offered me a place with them."

That explained quite a bit; her desire to protect Eren at any costs, why she hardly ever smiled, and why she was so closed off to those around her. Jean gave her a sympathetic look. He was at a loss for words, what could he say? He had never been one for 'I'm sorry' when something happened, for what could those words convey other than unwanted pity?

"I…I really lost them all this time."

Her words were barely audible, but he heard them on the breathe that escaped her lips. Her world was falling apart in front of him, and there wasn't a thing he could do. Comfort was not his strong point. When it came to emotional situations, all he could do was sit back and let it happen, but there was something about watching the woman he loved, breaking before his eyes, that compelled him.

He sat beside her, gingerly reaching for her. Faster than he had ever seen her move, Mikasa wrapped her slender fingers around his wrist and shoved his hand away from her. Her body had gone ridged as her eyes flashed dangerously. "Don't," she hissed.

But Jean was not ready to back down. He was bluntly honest, to a point that was likely to cause more problems than anything else, and this time, there was no holding back. He knit his brows and pulled his arm from her grasp.

"So what now? You're just going to sit here and wallow in self pity because you lost your brother?" Venom dripped from his tone, and his eyes were like daggers as he met her gaze. "I thought you were better than that, Mikasa. Humanity's strongest breaks because of the death of an idiot."

"You don't understand!" She growled.

"I understand perfectly. You loved him. He was more than just a brother to you! It doesn't take more than one brain cell to notice that!"

He could feel the anger begin to bubble inside him. Anger not for her, but for Eren. Anger over the fact that Eren had gone and gotten himself killed, leaving her cracking as he scrambled to put the pieces back before she shattered completely.

"But he's gone now! And what are you going to do? You knew this was bound to happen from the moment he passed the test. That's the future that awaits all of us! This is what we signed up for when we gave that salute!"

"It's not the end of the world because he'd gotten himself kille-"

"You don't understand what it's like to lose the one you love."

Jean stared at her. "I don't know? I think I know that pretty well. At least you got to spend your last moments with him - at least you got to spend his last moments by his side. I lost Marco. Do you know what it was like to find him like that? To know that he probably died alone, with no one to witness his last moments? Do you know what it feels like to know his death was in vain? That he probably died trying to protect the idiot who just went and got himself killed!"

A moment of silence passed between then before Jean finally let out a sigh. "You know, there's other people in the world who care around you. All of us have worried about you, we've just been too busy to actually come by. I actually ditched my duties to make sure you were alright."

Mikasa glanced up at him. Her stormy eyes were swimming with emotions. She knit her brows as if she were contemplating something. Her lips parted and she took a breath, only to close them again.

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

There was no hesitation in his response, not even the slightest waver in his was to be heard in his voice. Jean stared back at her with all the intensity of an honest man.

"But wasn't that obvious enough? The question is…do you love me?"

"No, but wasn't that obvious enough?"

Jean let out a sigh. He'd been expecting the answer, but it didn't hurt any less. His heart clenched inside his chest and a lump formed in his throat.

"It was obvious," he muttered. "I just needed to hear the words from your lips."

With that, Jean took the empty plate and made his way to the door. He didn't bother looking over his shoulder - he had his answer and that was all he could do to accept it.

"But…if you give me time…things might change."

He stopped, his brows shooting into his hairline. His heart skipped a beat as the words registered within his mind. A small smile graced his lips.

"I think I can accept that answer…"

Mikasa sighed. "Thank you, Jean."

Looking over his shoulder, Jean flashed her a welcoming smile and strode out of her room, a giddy bounce in his step.

It was going to take some time, but maybe, just maybe, Jean could worm his way into her heart.


End file.
